College Experience

I have noticed that a lot of my friends and I have found out the reality of the college experience. I have only been through a semester so maybe I will change my current views. College is hard work and none of that is shown to us through the media or movies. There was a little superficial part of me that thought by now that I would have a lot a friends, a lesser work load, and go out to parties more as well as live the pleasures of life more. Even in the conversations with my high school college counselor, college was made to seem glamorous. At the moment I am consumed with tests and studying and it is a full time job. I don't go to parties, I never even went to one in high school. I do not have a incoming flow of friends. I am not living in a romantic movie where I find a lover and he becomes my husband. If we put aside the major cliches, there is still major misconceptions that no one seems to strike down. No one talks about how to deal with becoming an adult, how to manage stre

I do not know why I am feeling better all around this month. Things just seem right. I am not as stressed, down at myself, and have been talking more. I am ready for this year to end and start fresh because it has been a rough year for me. That also means that next year is going to be really great because life works out in my favor like that. A really tough year followed by a really amazing year. I have been more productive with college work and staying on top of stuff. I have slowed down on working out at the gym, but I feel like I make it up with all the other stuff I get done. Slowly but surely I am actually getting small things done, unlike last month where I couldn't even focus. I am worried about next semester and my following college years though because I have really high and low months and my life has not been stagnant like I want. I still don't know how people make friends in college. The friends I have made weren't necessarily brought on by me, they just  were f

College has made me not get ready for the last couple months. I wake up in the morning and I am left with ten minutes to get ready. In high school, I used to be able to get up an hour beforehand and do my makeup and look fine with my clothes. But these last few months, I just throw on sweatpants, wear no makeup, and pray that my clothes are clean. I am down to the bare minimum. I don't even get ready on the weekends anymore cause I can't manage my time for it. I feel like I don't have any time for it. I throw on what I got and just go about my day. I think the down side is that I am starting to hate how I look because I don't have any other clothes than t shirts and jeans. I feel like people look at me different cause I have my light eyebrows, blonde hair, and dark circles. I alienated or like a complete toehead because not a lot of people look like me. I feel like I have been walking around looking like a bum. I want to wear new clothes and look like a "prepared&

I have come to accept that I struggle with anxiety. I never thought I would be that person with anxiety. I think that word gets tossed around too much, as well as too lightly, and that there is a stigma or a certain idea that people look towards when they hear the word. I believe that every persons anxiety is different, so it is hard to describe my own to others, but that doesn't mean it isn't there at all. I have better-off days and I have worse-off days. It is a struggle to manage it with school hearing advisers and people around me say "Just speak up and learn to express your own ideas". I wish it was that simple and easy cause I would have done it by now. I don't need anyone's pity. I am just sick of people telling me or giving me "helpful" quotes like "You can do it. You'll get through it". Yeah I will get through it, but that doesn't make my anxiety just disappear. I like observing people and things around me that I don't

Learning to drive has been something I should have learned years ago to make life easier. It is becoming more urgent that I learn because then my mom could stop driving me around and get a full work schedule. I want to be able to just drive myself to school and feel like a college student who takes themselves to study. Things would just be more simple. I could even drive myself to job interviews and get a job that could support my gas and insurance. My mom is a bad driver because she is impatient and being with her in the car in the morning scares me. There is a dilemma though, nobody is willing to take me or teach me. My mom has a fear that I will crash our only car and my sister and dad are consistently working. I have got no one else to go to. I've even thought about asking my friends parents but that always brings up the question, "Why can't your own parents teach you?" Well my parents obviously never want me to go anywhere in my life and put their needs first. I

I am the definition of indecisive and always have been. In my best defense, I don't want to choose. I want it all. However, it's tough that I can never make a decision or know what I really want. I don't even know if going to college is what I really want. I'm just going through with all the motions people are telling me to do and that is really conflicting. Yeah I would like to be better than my parents and make a decent living but is it worth going through something I am not happy with?  A 9 to 5 is not what I want. It sounds like my life would be taken away from me just so that I could be able to afford rent at the end of the month. It is sad though because that is life and a reality for most people. There is plenty of people in this world perfectly okay with not many riches and I don't consider myself a person who really cares about money or riches. I find richness in other things, but it is definitely hard to get those things if you don't have money. I cou

Listen, I was always a great bench-warmer growing up. When I just starting off with sports, this wasn't the case. I used to play soccer and be really good at it. It was the same with softball, but it went downhill eventually. I remember I always was a defense for soccer and my coach kept me there every game. My coach wanted to see how I'd do as a midfielder. (Is that what it's called?). I remember not being able to keep up with the running at all, even at around seven years old where kids usually run at the same pace. I remember trying my absolute best, and it wasn't enough to catch up. I went onto softball and was great at T-ball. I got worse, I know it, and I grew to hate it. Players and parents got too competitive and pushy while I just craved a fun time. I got made fun of for every wrong mistake and I would just doze of in my own place; outfield. I would purposely piss-off my coach or disobey rules so I wouldn't have to play until one day I quit. The only time

College is becoming more smooth, but it still isn't easy by all means. One thing I have been sick of hearing lately from other older people and even family members is how I could be doing much more to benefit myself. The same people who bring this up also bring up the same follow up stories: a lot of people in college have jobs so you should too, when I was your age, I was working and studying, you can handle it, or it is not that difficult to manage a job and go to college. I find this whole scenario actually ludacris. However, I know my limits and what is best for me. I know that at the moment, I am not able to handle a job during the week with all my studies. And that's okay. Yeah, some other college students have jobs and can manage it. Good for them. They aren't me. College, for me, is my fulltime job. I am not going to continue with this pressure that people place on me that I am not doing enough or I am lazy. You can very well take all my units and classes for me, i

I've got an update of how my college life is currently progressing. I am really happy because I finally feel like a real college student. It always takes me a while to look back, pause, and reflect where I am. More events are happening now and I am just like, wow, I really am a college student. It's like I'm in disbelief. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this. I am managing my time better, sleeping better, and feel as though I'm back in the groove of school life and responsibilities. As a result of this, I've been feeling good overall compared to the first month where I couldn't find any balance whatsoever. I feel like a college student majorly because of the events that have taken place. For example, I went to StanFest with my friends and we are even making time to hang out more as well as exercise. It's as if I have a planned schedule, but I'm not going over board with it, so it's not feeling like a chore. I really do believe that pa

This might come off headstrong or maybe not in the slightest bit relatable to you. It is even hard for me to explain. I am trying to understand this whole concept of mine and it first started out in high school. Certain events would pop up during my junior and senior year that conflicted with my family events. I joined more activities in the later years, with more responsibility, so it added more of this unwanted pressure. I found myself countless times having to choose between school work and my family. I cannot help my family is all around the U.S., so naturally, their arrival is very important to me because I could not see them for another couple of years. For example, my grandpa came up to California my junior year from Georgia, which he hadn't been to the west coast in almost a decade, and instead of going to Monterey with him and my brother, I stayed for cheer. I completely regret it, mostly because cheer was horrible. (What was I thinking?) There has been more little incide

To begin with, I wasn't nervous to start college like I was for high school. It was always the same cycle for starting school, just with some twists. I printed out a map of the school and had my phone to check as well. When I arrived around seven a.m. that Wednesday, I had enough time to find out where I was going, but that didn't stop myself from over thinking and feeling panic rush through my veins. So many people filled campus, minding their own business, but I felt anxious, and had the stupid thought that people around me knew I didn't know where to go which gave me a self conscience sensation. It was dumb because nobody really cares that I don't know how to read a map other than me and in reality people just try to focus on themselves. Sometimes, if I got lost, I would pretend I was reading fliers on the wall and then look on my phone map to try and find out where I was again. One day, I felt so lost that I tried to message my friend to see if she knew where the b

I consider myself an independent person and with that, I mean I don't need people or "friends" to hoard around me. I am a big supporter of the cliche, "Friends come and go, but family is forever". If you even consider that a cliche, because I've found that saying repeatedly true throughout my life. However, a big part of who I am contradicts what I've just talked about. You see, I desperately need the few, long time friends that I have and all human beings need friends to thrive. From everything that I've seen about college, from basically just movies and YouTube videos, the first week of college is a big event where every person meets new people and gets right on the track to new friendships. Although, I don't live on campus like some of my old friends and I haven't been the one to right-off-the-bat create a friendship this first couple of weeks. I see their Snapchats with their roommates who are quickly becoming their friends, but I guess