Force & Panic

To begin with, I wasn't nervous to start college like I was for high school. It was always the same cycle for starting school, just with some twists. I printed out a map of the school and had my phone to check as well. When I arrived around seven a.m. that Wednesday, I had enough time to find out where I was going, but that didn't stop myself from over thinking and feeling panic rush through my veins. So many people filled campus, minding their own business, but I felt anxious, and had the stupid thought that people around me knew I didn't know where to go which gave me a self conscience sensation. It was dumb because nobody really cares that I don't know how to read a map other than me and in reality people just try to focus on themselves. Sometimes, if I got lost, I would pretend I was reading fliers on the wall and then look on my phone map to try and find out where I was again. One day, I felt so lost that I tried to message my friend to see if she knew where the building I needed was and I was racing the clock with about five minutes left to get to class. She didn't answer and more panic set in and that's when I had to force myself to calm down and trust myself. People aren't always going to be there for me and I've just got to figure stuff out by myself the long and hard way. I know it was just a map and it probably seems really simplistic to most but it was difficult for me and I'm glad I forced myself cause I made it in time for class.  I even checked the door number twice in disbelief that I actually found my way. Even though, like I've said before, I think I'm well off by myself, it's little things like this stuff in that tests my actual independence. But, hey, isn't stuff like this supposed to happen being in college and all? I think so. It really does make me ponder the years ahead and how I'll be if I make it out alive from college.

Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 15, 2017 at 11:41 PM

    That's so cleaver XD. Reading fliers while panicking because you got lost and you don't want others to notice. Man, if I was to be in your position I would've done something similar; like pretend to tie up my shoe or just checking in my backpack if i have everything that i need for the day. But all in all I do relate to you when I try to trust myself. There's always that one class that I think I'm not suppose to be at so I check the map and my schedule to see if that's my class. Even so I would like to tell you that there are times that you will have to do some things on your own but you can always find that right friend that will be with you either physically or technologically. you just gotta find them, just remember to be kind and people will like you :)

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