Working Out?

Listen, I was always a great bench-warmer growing up. When I just starting off with sports, this wasn't the case. I used to play soccer and be really good at it. It was the same with softball, but it went downhill eventually. I remember I always was a defense for soccer and my coach kept me there every game. My coach wanted to see how I'd do as a midfielder. (Is that what it's called?). I remember not being able to keep up with the running at all, even at around seven years old where kids usually run at the same pace. I remember trying my absolute best, and it wasn't enough to catch up. I went onto softball and was great at T-ball. I got worse, I know it, and I grew to hate it. Players and parents got too competitive and pushy while I just craved a fun time. I got made fun of for every wrong mistake and I would just doze of in my own place; outfield. I would purposely piss-off my coach or disobey rules so I wouldn't have to play until one day I quit. The only time I've ever quit at anything. I am completely okay with being bad at sports. And it was the best decision I ever made was to quit, given my circumstances that I'm not willing to discuss. I am not athletic by any means and never exercise (basically my problem). What blows my mind is that I kind of crave exercise in a weird way. It always feels good afterwards. It sucks in the process for sure, but something about it makes me want to continue it. I started running for fun in high school but stopped due to other responsibilities. Today, I went to workout with my friends at the campus gym with an instructor. Like I expected, I was last on everything in the group of girls. It was so difficult that at one point I found myself crawling, hands and knees, cause my legs couldn't hold themselves up. I knew this would happen and I've learned that I don't like how I am lagging. I want to grow and try to get rid of this childhood feeling of great separation and isolation of not being like the others. I want to get better and at my own slow pace. Great thing about college is that during this particular workout, I got a lot of encouragement to keep going and I didn't feel humiliated. Ultimately, I really just want to be better at exercise and feel good doing it. I'm still trying to fit it in with my school schedule and personal life.