College Experience

I have come to accept that I struggle with anxiety. I never thought I would be that person with anxiety. I think that word gets tossed around too much, as well as too lightly, and that there is a stigma or a certain idea that people look towards when they hear the word. I believe that every persons anxiety is different, so it is hard to describe my own to others, but that doesn't mean it isn't there at all. I have better-off days and I have worse-off days. It is a struggle to manage it with school hearing advisers and people around me say "Just speak up and learn to express your own ideas". I wish it was that simple and easy cause I would have done it by now. I don't need anyone's pity. I am just sick of people telling me or giving me "helpful" quotes like "You can do it. You'll get through it". Yeah I will get through it, but that doesn't make my anxiety just disappear. I like observing people and things around me that I don't...

Learning to drive has been something I should have learned years ago to make life easier. It is becoming more urgent that I learn because then my mom could stop driving me around and get a full work schedule. I want to be able to just drive myself to school and feel like a college student who takes themselves to study. Things would just be more simple. I could even drive myself to job interviews and get a job that could support my gas and insurance. My mom is a bad driver because she is impatient and being with her in the car in the morning scares me. There is a dilemma though, nobody is willing to take me or teach me. My mom has a fear that I will crash our only car and my sister and dad are consistently working. I have got no one else to go to. I've even thought about asking my friends parents but that always brings up the question, "Why can't your own parents teach you?" Well my parents obviously never want me to go anywhere in my life and put their needs first. I...

I am the definition of indecisive and always have been. In my best defense, I don't want to choose. I want it all. However, it's tough that I can never make a decision or know what I really want. I don't even know if going to college is what I really want. I'm just going through with all the motions people are telling me to do and that is really conflicting. Yeah I would like to be better than my parents and make a decent living but is it worth going through something I am not happy with?  A 9 to 5 is not what I want. It sounds like my life would be taken away from me just so that I could be able to afford rent at the end of the month. It is sad though because that is life and a reality for most people. There is plenty of people in this world perfectly okay with not many riches and I don't consider myself a person who really cares about money or riches. I find richness in other things, but it is definitely hard to get those things if you don't have money. I cou...

Listen, I was always a great bench-warmer growing up. When I just starting off with sports, this wasn't the case. I used to play soccer and be really good at it. It was the same with softball, but it went downhill eventually. I remember I always was a defense for soccer and my coach kept me there every game. My coach wanted to see how I'd do as a midfielder. (Is that what it's called?). I remember not being able to keep up with the running at all, even at around seven years old where kids usually run at the same pace. I remember trying my absolute best, and it wasn't enough to catch up. I went onto softball and was great at T-ball. I got worse, I know it, and I grew to hate it. Players and parents got too competitive and pushy while I just craved a fun time. I got made fun of for every wrong mistake and I would just doze of in my own place; outfield. I would purposely piss-off my coach or disobey rules so I wouldn't have to play until one day I quit. The only time ...

College is becoming more smooth, but it still isn't easy by all means. One thing I have been sick of hearing lately from other older people and even family members is how I could be doing much more to benefit myself. The same people who bring this up also bring up the same follow up stories: a lot of people in college have jobs so you should too, when I was your age, I was working and studying, you can handle it, or it is not that difficult to manage a job and go to college. I find this whole scenario actually ludacris. However, I know my limits and what is best for me. I know that at the moment, I am not able to handle a job during the week with all my studies. And that's okay. Yeah, some other college students have jobs and can manage it. Good for them. They aren't me. College, for me, is my fulltime job. I am not going to continue with this pressure that people place on me that I am not doing enough or I am lazy. You can very well take all my units and classes for me, i...

I've got an update of how my college life is currently progressing. I am really happy because I finally feel like a real college student. It always takes me a while to look back, pause, and reflect where I am. More events are happening now and I am just like, wow, I really am a college student. It's like I'm in disbelief. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this. I am managing my time better, sleeping better, and feel as though I'm back in the groove of school life and responsibilities. As a result of this, I've been feeling good overall compared to the first month where I couldn't find any balance whatsoever. I feel like a college student majorly because of the events that have taken place. For example, I went to StanFest with my friends and we are even making time to hang out more as well as exercise. It's as if I have a planned schedule, but I'm not going over board with it, so it's not feeling like a chore. I really do believe that pa...

This might come off headstrong or maybe not in the slightest bit relatable to you. It is even hard for me to explain. I am trying to understand this whole concept of mine and it first started out in high school. Certain events would pop up during my junior and senior year that conflicted with my family events. I joined more activities in the later years, with more responsibility, so it added more of this unwanted pressure. I found myself countless times having to choose between school work and my family. I cannot help my family is all around the U.S., so naturally, their arrival is very important to me because I could not see them for another couple of years. For example, my grandpa came up to California my junior year from Georgia, which he hadn't been to the west coast in almost a decade, and instead of going to Monterey with him and my brother, I stayed for cheer. I completely regret it, mostly because cheer was horrible. (What was I thinking?) There has been more little incide...